What NOT to say to a depressed loved one
With the latest figures suggesting that at least 17% of adults in the UK are struggling with depression at any one time (ONS, 2021) it’s likely that we all know someone who is or has been depressed.
But sometimes knowing what to say can be the hardest thing, and well-meaning comments can only serve to make it worse for the person struggling.
Anthony Smith (Psychology Today) lists the two most inappropriate and yet common things to say to a depressed person as: “What do you have to be depressed about?” and “Just snap out of it”.
The problem with such comments is they have the effect of leaving someone who is already depressed feeling further isolated and alone. They suggest that the person offering the glib comment doesn’t understand at all, or as Smith writes: generates thoughts such as “look how uncomfortable people are around me”.
All this results in the depressed person further isolating themselves to avoid causing awkwardness or upset.
Instead of asking what’s to be depressed about, Smith suggests that you consider simply acknowledging the issue: “Hey, I know you haven’t been feeling your best lately. I thought I’d check in to see if I can help with anything.”
“Such a statement is friendly, validating, and therefore inherently supportive,” he says.
Rather than “snap out of it”, try offering reassurance. Let the person know that you are there to support them and happy to listen or simply be there. While having someone to talk to does not magic depression away it can help to ease pain and reduce isolation.
You can read more about this in Smith’s article by clicking here.
